Ever had an
epiphany? When an idea, or life
objective, or just anything in particular just made you go “AHA!” and you would
feel like a man (or woman) on a mission? Well, I have. And that’s why I’m writing this RIGHT NOW
while I’m all sweaty and funky, so you better not take this for granted. I just had an epiphany about the human connection and myself.
I’ll get this out right now. I HATE WRITING. I like talking, I can
talk nonstop about my thoughts to random strangers I’ve just met. I haven’t always been like this, in fact, I’ve
never been, until about two years ago.
The only time I would actually write is so I can get an A on a paper I
don’t give a damn about. But I want to get this out, so you better listen.
As I was doing my
daily 12 mile bike commute home today, with the rain blowing against me at
about 6 miles per hour and listening to Blood Bros: First Blood mix (It’s an
awesome “training” mix, check it out: https://soundcloud.com/maddecent/blood-bros-first-blood),
I was passing by my high school. A bunch
of track kids (or cross country, I didn’t do sports in high school in the US, so
I don’t know the current sport for the season) were passing by, being the
supportive guy I am, I gave them a thumbs up, giving them the gesture to “Keep
it up!” And trailing behind all of them was my only P.E. teacher, who was also
track and field and cross country coach.
I slowed down and waved, saying “Mrs. J!” She waved back to acknowledge my presence,
but I’m not sure if she remembers me, or if she was just too concentrated on the wet pavement she’s running, and in all
honesty, it doesn’t matter if she does.
The last time I saw her was when I was running the 2011 Trail of Two
Cities (Fresno/Clovis) Marathon, where she was volunteering as a checkpoint
person along with the kids she’s been coaching.
It was my first marathon, and that was about or a little over the
halfway point and I was already dreading it, with my incredibly sore knees and ankles. Her presence at the checkpoint reminded me of
the time in high school when she tried recruiting me to the track team in high
school, because even though I was overweight at the time, she saw potential in
me during a flag football game during P.E. class, and kids started teasing me,
calling me “Forrest Gump” because I was trying too hard. And she used that mockery to instead praise
me.
“Those kids were calling you Forrest Gump
for a reason you know? Maybe you should
try joining the track team!”
I doubted those
words. I didn’t have much self-esteem at
the time (>tfw when no gf; >tfw I’ll always be overweight because
genetics). So I told her I’ll think
about it, which when it comes from my mouth, almost always means no. Yet, a week or so later, I get an invitation
letter to try out for track. It ended up
in the shredder. She didn’t ask me
again, but the next semester, I get another invitation, but for the cross
country team instead. I didn’t give it a
second thought at all, I just dumped the invitation. After my sophomore year of high school, we
didn’t have P.E. anymore, so I had no other reasons to see or meet her anymore. Not until when I was running the marathon, I
waved and shouted “Hey Mrs. J!” I don’t
know if she remembers me, but it doesn’t matter, the flashback gave me a temporary
pain neutralizer helping me to finish my marathon at an underwhelming 4 hours
or so.
I guess you could
call this a flashback within a flashback huh?
‘Cause right now, I’m biking home against the rain. Thinking about what she tried to do for me, I
realized that I took what she said for granted, I doubted not only her, but
also myself. And that’s when it hit me. It
hit me as hard as it probably hit Rocky’s son when he got the speech from his
dad in in Rocky Balboa (it’s one of
the most influential lines I’ve heard in my life, and it always come back to me
whenever I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY).
Forrest Gump is
one of my favorite movies of all time. I
had no reason to like it, just as there’s no reason for me to dislike it, it’s just
about a guy who just does what he does. He
doesn’t have to bring people down to get to the top, he works his way up there
on his own merit, all along while enriching the lives of those around him. And
that’s what I want.
We all have
different goals in life; we all want to achieve something. But no matter how similar they may be, they’re
still different, because it’s OUR goals.
It’s not mine, it’s not theirs, and it’s yours. We all have one thing in common though: we
want to get to the top. And that’s what I want to do, I want to get
to the top, and I want you up there with me.
So what does all this
have to do with the human connection?
There’s a lot of people that surround us, some people are gonna want to
keep you down, some people just don’t care, but then there are some people who
want you up there with them. And these
are the people you want to listen to, you want to stick to. I’m not telling you to abandon your
pessimistic friends; I’m just telling you not let anyone hold you back, and not
to take people and their efforts to help you for granted. YOU
HAVE TO BREAK THOSE LIMITS.
Mrs. J wanted me
up there, but I was too chained to my belief that I’ll never have enough willpower
and determination that I’ll actually make it.
If you keep telling yourself that kind of shit, you’re going to keep
believing that shit. I’m not saying I
regret the decision not to join track or cross country, it’s a lesson I learned
and I’ll keep forever. I’m not where I
want to be yet, in fact, I probably never will be. Counter-intuitive? HELL
NO. That’s because I always keep
setting my bar higher! You have to push
it to the limit, keep your pace, and then, push it even higher.
When I got into
cosplaying, I was intimidated. I didn’t
feel comfortable because I feel like I won’t be accepted by the community for
being such a newbie. Some people even
mocked our cosplays saying we look like Mormons in our butler outfits and
whatnot. But I didn’t let those kind of
comments affect my confidence. I kept
cosplaying, eventually getting better, making more friends, and inspiring
people to do the same. I liked the
feeling of inspiring people, and that’s why we started the Runaloids (http://www.facebook.com/runaloids),
to help people kickstart a healthy lifestyle even at conventions! I found my reason to be in this community is
to have fun and inspire people.
Success draws
attention. It’s not a bad thing at all,
but sometimes, we can overdo it and just look for more attention. This is when I lost my main objective. I haven’t been updating on Runaloids, I just
wanted to update our page more and more, getting likes, compliments, and
attention in the cosplay scene. My
girlfriend noticed this too, and even claimed that I disgust her, because all I
want now is attention. She’s right. I forgot my reason, my role, and my
objective.
People ask me for
advice all the time: weight loss, relationships, yada-yada. I give them my honest thought, and a lot of
times, they don’t even follow through. I
get frustrated, and I give up on them.
Doesn’t that make ME the hypocrite?
It’s easy to give
up on when it’s one-on-one with a single person, but I won’t give up on my
friends, and everyone around me. And
this is when I realize that I want to be my own Mrs. J. I want to do as much as I can to help, and
that’s why I wrote this.
Ok, I’m not sweaty
anymore, but I still stink, so I’ll take be taking a shower now.
tl;dr: Don’t let yourself or other people
hold you down. Don’t take your friends
and their advice for granted. You’ll
make it, we’ll all make it. Never give
up!